VS. FIGHTING REJECT TEAM

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*In the back room where the Crown is being kept, all is silent and still.*
Crown

...

Crown

...

Crown

>:[

*A bright light suddenly begins to emanate from the crown’s jewel. The gem turns from red to purple, as a group of polygonal creatures are summoned.*
Crown

>:]

*Meanwhile, in front of the fountain, almost everyone has gathered to congratulate (to varying degrees of earnestness) the victor of the tournament.*
John

Give a big hand for our winner...

John

UNREGISTERED HYPERCAM 2!

Unregistered HyperCam 2

:DDDDDDDDDD

Geno

Well done, HyperCam!

Etika

YEEEAAH! FUCK YEAH, LITTLE GUY!

Pitbull

EEEEYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Waluigi

Wahhhh, everybody cheating but me!

Wario

I lost! To a buncha LOSERS!

Marina

Good game, HyperCam!

Pearl

DON’T CHEER FOR HIM!

DJ Professor K

Yeah, you go, tiny robot!

ZUN

I’ll drink to that! *Laughs*

Luigi

Oh, thank-a goodness all THAT’s over...

Unregistered HyperCam 2

thx every1. s0 wen do i t8ke ovr teh channel?

John

Well, there’s still some stuff we need to handle, so it’ll take a while. At the very least, it’ll at least happen before September 9th. Probably.

*Suddenly, John starts to hear the sound of rushing footsteps.*
John

Wow, sounds like the paparazzi is here for our winner! Alright, folks! One at a ti-

*PUNCH*
*A short, purple, crystalized figure clocks John in the face.*
John

Ow, hey! Hands off the merchandise!

*The crowd watches as a horde of polygon fighters make their way to the fountain.*
King Dedede

Hey! Wudda those purple guys doin’ here?

Geno

And why do they look like...

*The figure that hit John lunges toward Geno. The two fight hand-to-hand with almost the exact same moves. As the two tussle, Geno gets a good look at the figure. Upon closer inspection, he finds that it shares the same shape as Geno himself.*
Geno

...Wait, who are these impostors?!

*As Geno asks, a polygonal figure in the shape of Solid Snake appears behind the real Snake, moving to catch him in a chokehold! He’s able to pull off a reversal and throws off the fake just in time.*
Solid Snake

Hnnnngh...now that you mention it, all of these creatures look like us! Our moves, our gear... It’s like looking in a mirror.

Reggie Fils-Aimé

Wait a minute...purple polygonal fighters who look like us? Of course! It’s those multi-man fighters from the N64! I thought we discontinued those after Melee...

Luigi

I dunno, they look nothing like the old Polygon Team! In fact, I think these guys are based on the tournament’s losers!

John

Hm... a fighting team of failed tournament competitors. I wish there was an easier way to say that!

Reggie Fils-Aimé

Well, no matter! If they’re anything like the old team, all it’ll take is launching them off!

*Ajit steps up, charging his weapon.*
Proto-Metal Ajit

Very well. I’ll be the one to save-

*A Polygon Ajit fires one bullet at Proto-Metal Ajit’s stomach, dismantling him immediately and scattering his ashes to the wind.*
Luigi

EYYYIKES!

*Dedede hops over, whacking Polygon Ajit with his trusty hammer.*
King Dedede

Two a’ that guy is two too many!

*From behind, another polygon hits Dedede with an accordion-like crystal.*
King Dedede

Oh, you again! You’re more stubborn than that there Kirby!

*The two fight for a few seconds, until they both hear the sound of another accordion.*
Weird Al Yankovic

...I think I’m a clone now.

*The polygon turns its attention to Al. At first, it seems ready to throw some punches, until it hears more of Al’s accordion. The clone can’t help but play its own accordion, as a musical duel breaks out!* *Meanwhile, Geno is still at an even match with his doppelganger.*
Geno

I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up...and I don’t have enough FP for a Geno Blast...

*Suddenly, Geno hears the sound of aggressive Polka music. He looks away from his opponent to see Al struggling to keep up with his own duplicate.*
Weird Al Yankovic

(Gasp)...just...a few...more...bars...

*The squeezeboxes' songs are then joined in by the sounds of scratching records, as DJ Professor K is at a turntable with his copy, the two partaking in their own musical battle.*
DJ Professor K

I’ve been doin’ this for years, no one out-DJs K, not even K! JET SET RADIOOOOOOOO!

*The sounds of two accordions and violent record scratching is too much for the King to take.*
King Dedede

GaaaaAAAARGH, SHADDUP!

*Dedede hits the faux Al with his hammer, launching it across the room into Geno’s Polygon double. The two land on K’s table, knocking both DJs off their feet. Geno hurriedly goes to help the real K up.*
Geno

Are you alright?

DJ Professor K

Yeah...all good.

*The two are quickly found by three Polygon Aliens.*
DJ Professor K

Let’s get outta here, puppet boy!

*As Geno and K flee the Dancing Polygon Team, the Polygons of Geno, Al and K get back on their feet. They prepare to enter back into the fray, before they hear a voice from behind them, as an unnatural fracture in space and time mysteriously opens up...*
???

Time for you to see what this bad boy can really do.

*The Polygons look away from the battle to see a portal opening in the Gaylord. Feeling a strange pull drawing them in, they enter. Almost as soon as they do, it closes, nobody the wiser...*
Pitbull

...Anyone else hear that?

*Before Pitbull can process the faint distraction, his polygonal double approaches him.*
Pitbull

Coño, the music scene has evolved so rapidly. We went from sampling music to sampling musicians! Haha! Let's tussle.

*Before Pitbull can react, however, the Polygon Pitbull pulls out a stereo and some drinks.*
Pitbull

Alright, now THIS guy knows how to party! DALE!

*The two Pitbulls start having fun together, much to the chagrin of his alien friends, currently locked in combat with polygonal clones of their own.*
Popoy

Damnit man, now’s not the fucking time! GAH!

*After landing a psychic blast on Popoy, the polygonal version of their ex-friend, Howard, struts towards him and Marcianito.*
Popoy

Marcianito, you’re ok with me beating the shit out of this one, right?

Marcianito

ayy lmao

Popoy

TOMA ESTO ZORRA

*Popoy begins to powerfully thrust against the clone, while Marcianito dances so fast, he seems to teleport around the figure, confusing it.*
Popoy

Ah! AH!

*Meanwhile, their ex-member, Howard, is in a 2-on-1 with the copies of his former friends.*
Howard

[YOU ARE REJECTS OF REJECTS. YOU MUST BE TERMINATED.]

*Howard attempts to telepathically crush the 2 figures, but his force isn’t enough.*
Will Smith

Hold up Howard, I got you man!

Howard

[YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY CAPACITY FOR VIOLENCE. YOU ARE NOT A KILLER.]

*Will Smith, annoyed by Howard’s response, raises his finger and aggressively points it at the polygonal figures, causing a small explosion that knocks them away. Will then smugly looks at Howard.*
Howard

[...I STAND CORRECTED.]

*A polygonal clone of Will Smith begins to move forward, while also in reverse, towards Howard and Will.*
Will Smith

My first polygon clone and my first polygon clone in the same room.

*Howard repays Will’s save, and uses his telepathy to push away Will’s fake.*
Howard

[GOTCHA...A-A-A-A.]

*In the middle of it all, the top two (or rather, top four) are fending themselves. Pearl fires her dualies at Polygon Ajit, while HyperCam throws five ninja stars at Polygon Snake.*
Unregistered HyperCam 2

o n0 wut r we gona do, thier powr levelz r ovr 9000!

Marina

These guys are relentless! Every time we knock them out, they just get right back up!

*Through the chaos, HyperCam hears a voice.*
???

Hello? HELLO?! Is anybody there?!?

Unregistered HyperCam 2

w8...is taht...

*HyperCam notices a call coming in from... himself?*
unknown_engineer

HyperCam! Thank God I was able to contact you through your software! I just got an automatic distress signal from you, what’s going on?!

Unregistered HyperCam 2

o hai dad sry these ppl just showd up h3r3, there prety tough, ill show u

*HyperCam begins to livestream his visual feed to the engineer, and he finally gets a glimpse of the odd entities attacking the Gaylord.*
unknown_engineer

Weird... What are these guys? They kinda remind me of those things from Melee...

*At the mention of video games, Glenna suddenly looks up from her handheld system.*
Glenna

Huh? Oh man, yeah, kinda. Also kinda like what I’m playing here...

Pearl

Glenna, we don’t have time to be talking about video games right now!

Glenna

No, see, what you wanna do is get all of the enemies together, and hit ‘em with a MASSIVE attack.

Marina

...Wait, I think you’ve got the right idea!

Pearl

If only they had let me bring my Princess Cannon on the plane...

unknown_engineer

Cannon? What kind of cannon?

Marina

Oh, Pearl’s Princess Cannon? It’s a specialized weapon designed to channel her powerful voice into a concentrated beam of pure sound! I was actually the one to complete the final design, so I made sure it was able to withstand her wails at their loudest! It’d sure come in handy here, but I guess we’ll have to think of something else...

unknown_engineer

Hold on, you said you designed it? Do you still have the schematics?

Marina

Oh, um, sure! But why?

unknown_engineer

Send them over to me, I have an idea. If we can adapt your designs into a software update for HyperCam, I’ll be able to have him remotely transform into exactly what we need!

Unregistered HyperCam 2

o dang, ill be firin mah lazar?

unknown_engineer

Exactly!

Marina

Got it!

*Marina hurriedly pulls out her laptop, quickly establishing a conncection to unknown_engineer’s computer.*
Marina

Pearlie! While we’re doing that, you get all the copies in one spot!

Pearl

Sure thing, ‘Rina!

*Pearl rushes off, calling out to everyone in the Gaylord!*
Pearl

Hey! Around the fountain! Lead those weirdos over here!

*Everyone walks toward HyperCam, with their fighting rejects in tow.*
Marina

Wait, if we shoot everyone here, then all of the contestants will be blasted too! Oh, if only there was a way to separate the clones from the originals...

Thanos

Stand back, little one.

*Thanos uses the Power Stone to create barriers out of the ground, trapping the Polygons in place.*
Unregistered HyperCam 2

wow thx than0s w8 were were u btw

Thanos

I only just arrived now. I had to take care of my... side job.

*Thanos glances down at his armor to make sure no bulge is sticking out.*
Pearl

Okay, HyperCam! Is the update ready?

*A jingle emerges from HyperCam, as his small body starts shifting into a megaphone-like cannon.*
Unregistered HyperCam 2

ready

Marina

Alright, Pearlie! You know what to do!

*Pearl aims the Unregistered HyperCannon 2 at the trapped Polygons, and...*
Pearl

Boo-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

*A massive surge of energy radiates through HyperCam, emitting a giant blast that shoots all ten- wait, uh, all SEVEN Rejects, sending them crashing through the glass of the Gaylord and flying into the skies of Maryland before reaching outer orbit.*
Pearl

Oh YEAH! We did it!

unknown_engineer

You did good, son.

Unregistered HyperCam 2

yey ty dad! and thx every1 else too ur da best <3

*Everyone sighs in relief, as John regains consciousness.*
John

Fuuuuck, that hurt. What just happened?

*HyperCam reverts back into his usual form.*
Unregistered HyperCam 2

a winnar is us!!!

*All of the contestants cheer!*
John

Alright, well. I guess that’s the end of it. Now, as I was saying before I was so RUDELY INTERRUPTED, congratulations to our one and only Unregistered HyperCam 2, the winner of the SiIvaGunner King for a Day Tour-

Luigi

NOW WAIT JUST A MINUTE!!!

*Luigi’s face, much like his brother’s getup, is completely red. He has had enough.*
Luigi

I DON’T KNOW WHAT JUST HAPPENED, BUT I AM *NOT* LETTING ANY OF YOU STAY ANOTHER MINUTE IN MY HOTEL!

John

Look, my team are willing to cover any expens-

Luigi

GET THE FUCK OUT!!!!!

*Everyone nervously scurries off.*