Money No Longer


*In the Gaylord’s parking lot, the Dancing Alien Team resides in their UFO, frustrated.*
Popoy

...Round. Fucking. One. We lost on the first fucking round...how’s this shit possible?! No way they think our music’s trash, right?...Maybe it wasn’t meant for this gringo audience, I don’t fucking know man.

Marcianito

el público no tiene la culpa.

Popoy

Yeah. You’re right I guess. Shit, but if that isn’t the case, then what was the reason we lost? That Reggie guy is chill but he was just a dude, like who the hell prefers fitness music over some real shit?

Marcianito

lo que importa es que nos esforzamos al máximo

Popoy

...*sigh*. Alright man, if you say so. We lost fair and square or whatever the fuck they say. Best we just accept-

Howard

[IT WAS YOU TWO.]

Popoy

...que?

Howard

[OUR BEATS. THEY DON’T COMBINE. TOO DIFFERENT.]

Popoy

What the fuck are you saying, man? Are you trying to push the blame on us?! Our styles together is what makes us a team!

Howard

[THE TOURNAMENT HAS PROVEN THAT TO BE FALSE. IF IT WERE TRUE, WE WOULD’VE WON.]

Popoy

Yo what the fuck is wrong with you? Just because we lost ain’t mean our music ain’t compatible, fuck outta here with that shit.

Howard

[I UNDERSTAND NOW. MY MOVES ARE SUPERIOR. MY BEATS ARE BETTER. I’VE BEEN BROUGHT DOWN BY LESSER BEINGS. ALL YOU DESIRE IS CLOUT.]

Marcianito

ayy....

Popoy

...Say that shit again. SAY IT TO MY FACE.

Howard

[YOU DID THIS FOR CLOUT. YOU TWO WERE MEANT FOR FAILURE.]

Popoy

HIJO DE PUTA!

*Popoy starts throwing hands towards Howard, before Marcianito stands between them, stopping them before any hits can be dealt.*
Popoy

FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! FUCK YOU! HOW COULD YOU?! PENSÉ QUE ÉRAMOS AMIGOS!

Howard

[THERE IS NO USE FOR “FRIENDS” LIKE YOU, IF YOU CANNOT LEAD US TO SUCCESS.]

Popoy

IF YOU REALLY THINK THAT YOU’RE HOT SHIT, GET THE FUCK OUT! I TRUSTED YOU! GET OUT BEFORE I KICK YOUR SKINNY METALLIC ASS!

Howard

[...GOODBYE.]

*Howard slowly stomps out of the UFO, almost in a strange, dance-like manner.*
Popoy

...fucking TRAITOR!

*Popoy slams against the controls on the UFO, causing its alarms to go off.*
Popoy

Fuck!

*Popoy turns off the alarms, but then hears a knock on the door.*
Popoy

What now? Is that him?! Marcianito tell that bitch to FUCK OFF BEFORE I-

Pitbull

It’s Mr. 305, checkin’ in.

Popoy

Ain’t no remix in here mang, just us.

Pitbull

Hmm... y’all okay?

Popoy

Oh...yeah, we’re fine man, just give us a bit.

*Marcianito opens the door.*
Marcianito

ayy lmao... :(

Pitbull

...I guess not. What happened?

Popoy

Uuuuuggghhhh, look...we’re going through shit right now, alright? Howard, that cabrón, just accused us of being fucking clout chasers! I’m so fucking pissed right now man, you have no idea, never wanna see that fucker again.

Pitbull

Yeah, that figures. I was born ‘n raised in the streets of Miami; I know what a fight looks like from far away. I could sense the tension from y’all’s body language alone.

Popoy

Oh really? If you already knew, then WHY ARE YOU BOTHERING US???

Pitbull

Look, I came here because I couldn’t stand to see two friends feel defeated over a bad breakup. Now, if you ask me, I’d rather be giving advice about scorin’ beautiful women than a little spat between homies, but... You guys truly have something special. Something... out of this world? Hahaha!

Popoy

Te voy a matar.

Pitbull

...And I just don’t want to see something like this drag y’all down, feel me? Forget about Howard the Coward, y’all can overcome this and make your own mark. Keep workin’ hard, be loyal to each other, and you’ll make it far.

Marcianito

howard the coward lmaooooo

Pitbull

And when you guys find success in your careers, you’ll look back at this day as the day you strengthened your resolve; the resolve to cut the bullshit out yo’ life and keep hustlin’. Keep movin’ forward.

*Silence takes hold of the room for about ten seconds.*
Popoy

Hah, well, uh... I guess that’s not the dumbest-ass thing I’ve heard all day. I, uh... appreciate it... I guess...

Marcianito

ahora estoy de humor suficiente para bailar.

Popoy

Yeah, let’s practice, bro. We can’t let anyone fuckin’ wreck the dance floor like us.

Pitbull

Well, I’m glad you’re both in high spirits! By the way, you interested in a collab?

Popoy

QUE PUTA-