Beyond the Gate


*At the Cherry Blossom Ballroom, all of the contestants and their guests are seated for orientation. John Notwoodman is on stage...*
John

Welcome, everyone, to the SiIvaGunner: King for a Day Tournament! Twenty-four of you, whether on your own or in teams, are here for the chance of taking over the SiIvaGunner channel for your own personalized event!

*The crowd applauds.*
Pearl

SHELL YEAH! LET’S GET THIS TOURNAMENT STARTED!

Pitbull

EEEEEYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Wario

WARIO GONNA WIN! WAHAHAHAHAHA!

John

But before we can begin proper, I would like to go over the rules and regulations for the next couple weeks...

*The crowd goes silent.*
John

Alright, first off, parking. The nearby parking lot requires some paperwork, so when you return to your hotel rooms, expect to receive...

*A bored Glenna pulls out her phone and starts looking through SplatNet.*
Glenna

Hmm, a Retro Gamer Jersey. Do I have enough cash...

*Glenna looks away from her phone to see HyperCam sitting next to her.*
Glenna

...Hi. I don’t think I’ve seen you here.

Unregistered HyperCam 2

not many ppl here have...im smol...

Glenna

I can see that.

Glenna

I’m, uh... Glenna.

*Pearl and Marina turn over to Glenna.*
Pearl

Yo, Glenna! Who you talking to?

Glenna

Oh, this is HyperCam.

Glenna

This is Pearl and Marina, from Off the Hook.

Glenna

Y’know, Off the Hook? The famous pop duo? “Don’t get cooked, stay Off the Hook?”

Unregistered HyperCam 2

idk who taht is

Marina

Well, I guess we’re still kinda new, it’s only been a little over a year since...

Pearl

NO WAY! We’re the hottest group in Inkopolis! What kinda coral have you been living under, robot?!

*HyperCam gets scared and runs away.*
Marina

Alright, calm down, Pearlie.

Glenna

...You okay?

Marina

Sorry, she’s been a little on edge this month... especially with machines...

*HyperCam takes a seat between Ajit and Reggie.*
Ajit Pai

It’s good to see another businessman here. You know, we at the FCC would love to have you and your programmers on our side in the war against net neutrality.

Reggie Fils-Aimé

Yeah, uh, I don’t quite think we at Nintendo would particularly agree with your mandates...

Ajit Pai

Come on, I’d bet Nintendo would love to get rid of some of those pirated ROMs floating around the internet.

Reggie Fils-Aimé

...Go on...

*HyperCam pops into the conversation.*
Reggie Fils-Aimé

A tiny robot? Have I seen that before...?

Ajit Pai

Well, hello, little fella! Say, have you heard about the dangers of net neutrality, and what you’ll still be able to do after it’s been overturned?

*HyperCam slowly backs away...*
Reggie Fils-Aimé

...oh, RIGHT. The robot we just set on fire!

*HyperCam makes his way toward Thanos, sitting with his teammates.*
Raven

So, what exactly do you plan to do with the channel?

Thanos

I intend to use the rips to propagate my plan for balance. The people only fear because they do not know salvation. Once they see my rip selection, they will finally understand and resist no longer. I expect that some may be persuaded into joining our army...

Unregistered HyperCam 2

░░░░░░███████ ]▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ Bob is building an army. ▂▄▅█████████▅▄▃▂ ☻/ This tank & Bob are against Google+ Il███████████████████] /▌ Copy and Paste this all over You tube ◥⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙◤ / \ Youtube if you are with us, it was them!︻╦╤─︻╦╤─︻╦╤─︻╦╤─︻╦╤─︻╦╤─︻╦╤─︻╦╤─︻╦╤─︻╦╤─︻╦╤─︻╦╤─ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ I want YOU to join Bob's army! Copy & past this message in order to take down Google+.

Thanos

...Excuse me?

*Snake takes attention.*
Solid Snake

Hnngh...an army?

*Snake talks into his codec.*
Solid Snake

Colonel, I’ve just learned that someone named “Bob” is building an army...

*HyperCam takes notice of Weird Al sitting in front of him.*
Unregistered HyperCam 2

omg...werd al...i have all his sogns downloaded...i know...ill play oen 4 him 2 show im a fan

*HyperCam starts playing a screen recording of “Barney’s On Fire”.*
Unregistered HyperCam 2

omg hi al :DDDDDDD

Weird Al Yankovic

Woah, you didn’t download that song, did you? Think of the solid gold Humvee you just cost the artist!

Unregistered HyperCam 2

i...im sry...i...

Wario

SOLID GOLD?!

*Wario runs into the seat, knocking HyperCam away.*
Wario

Sounds like my kinda ride! Better than that crummy old purple car!

*HyperCam crashes into Geno.*
⭐4⭐
Geno

Hm?

Mallow

Wow, look at that cute toy! Where’d you get it, Geno?

Geno

I’m not sure...

Mallow

Wait...Look at its blade! You don’t think it’s one of Smithy’s guys, do you?

Geno

No, it doesn’t quite look like something Smithy would create.

Geno

Well then, what exactly are you?

Mallow

I think it’s a camera.

*Mallow picks up HyperCam and points him toward a nearby DJ Professor K.*
Mallow

Hey, mister! Say something for the camera!

*K turns around.*
DJ Professor K

Hm? Well, I’m more of a radio guy, but I’m down to please the crowds!

*K gets up close to HyperCam.*
DJ Professor K

Hey, out there, rudies, this is K coming to you live from the Gaylord! JET SET RADIOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

*Popoy pops up.*
Popoy

Get me next!

*Popoy starts dancing for the camera.*
DJ Professor K

Hey, looks like the alien’s got the grooves!

*Will and his guests take notice.*
Uncle Phil

What the heck is this?

Carlton

It’s aliens, dad.

Will Smith

Carlton, you gotta kick that alien’s BUTT!

*Carlton gets up and starts swinging his arms and moving to the nonexistent beat. Mallow points HyperCam toward Carlton.*
DJ Professor K

Uh oh, looks like we’ve got a dance-off!

Unregistered HyperCam 2

oooh i got teh music

*HyperCam starts playing Caramelldansen. Everyone around him instinctively raise their arms and sway their hips.*
Geno

This melody... it’s put a spell on them...

Mallow

Yeah, I think I wanna start dancing now!

*Mallow joins in on the dancing, but accidentally drops HyperCam in the process.*
Unregistered HyperCam 2

ow. taht hurt. at leest its over...

*HyperCam gets hit in the head with a chip.* *HyperCam finds that he’s landed under Dedede, who’s munching on a bag of chips.*
King Dedede

Heh heh heh, this hotel’s got some good snacks!

*HyperCam hops up next to Dedede’s seat.*
King Dedede

Huh? Were you unda my chair just now?!

King Dedede

Well, you’re outta luck if you’re wantin’ one of my chips!

Unregistered HyperCam 2

o no i camt eat or drink

*The conversation is interrupted by the sound of ZUN gulping down a beer.*
ZUN

Ahhhh, that’s good.

*Dedede whispers to HyperCam.*
King Dedede

Lookin’ at this guy, I’m startin’ to think you’re better off fer it!

Pitbull

EEEEYYYYYOOOOOOOO! I didn’t know they serve liquor, are we partying up in here? Mr. 305 loves a good old fashioned party, let’s put on some good tunes and liven it up a little! You know what I’m saying? Haha.

ZUN

Would you like a glass?

Pitbull

You know Mr. 305 loves a good tequila, because whenever there’s tequila you know the cocktails will be great!

Unregistered HyperCam 2

im not 0ld enough to drink... :( i also stil phyiscaly cant!

Etika

Yo, what’s up little man, you doin alright?

Unregistered HyperCam 2

therez a lot going on rn...itz a lot to process. im starting to be unsure if i can rly win dis...

Etika

Hey man, look I’ve seen what you can do. You’ve been doing a damn good job, and I was there for that era of the internet you’re all about. That shit was hype, you know, back when we had the Brawl Dojo? Haha. Nah man, you got this, really. I mean, as long as you don’t gotta fight me, right?

*John beins to wrap up his speech, completely oblivious to the fact no one was listening. After he’s finished, he motions everyone to leave. Luigi falls to his knees, looking at the ballroom in shambles...*
John

Well, I think that went well.

Luigi

My beautiful... ballroom... it’s ruined...

John

Oh yeah, for sure.