*Inside the Gaylord National Resort & Convention Center, John Notwoodman is discussing his finances with the owner of the establishment, Luigi Mario. Mr. Notwoodman has just paid a large sum of money to rent the entire Resort for approximately two weeks.*
Wowee! What a generous patron! Not that I’m complaining sir, but if you don’t-a mind me asking, what are you going to be using this space for all on your own?
Oh, it’s no problem at all! You see, I had an idea one day. Wouldn’t it be cool if I held a tournament? So that’s what I did. Or, am doing, rather. Does that answer your questions?
Um... with all-a due respect, sir... no. Not at all. You... said something about a tournament? What exactly do you mean by that?
I’m so glad you asked!
What is this?
No hold on just watch this it’ll explain trust me.
Is it- is it gonna load or-
Yeah no just give it a second man.
Man, I think your internet might be-
Okay there it is, all right watch this.
So what do you think? Cool, right?
...I mean, it’s neat and all, but I’m still not quite sure why you need to use my hotel for it.
Well, isn’t it obvious? I want to host the tournament at this venue! I’ve invited every person shown in the video to this hotel, this is where they’ll be staying, and competing! Loudly.
Oh...Mama mia, that’s...H-h-how many people again?
At least twenty-one! All with their own plus-one! ...Maybe a plus-two or three, if I’m feeling generous.
(Gulp). A-and who exactly are these contestants? Big name celebrities, or...
Oh sure, they’re all big in their own right I’d say. One in particular (in my opinion) should’ve been in Super Smash Bros. a long time ago!
*Meanwhile, in the mallowed halls of Nimbus Castle, we see the prince scrolling through his Apple iCloud...*
Oh, no! Sean Kingston... you were taken from us too soon...
Huh?
Ah, Mallow. It’s good to see you again.
G-G-G-GENO?! What are you doing here? Is the Mushroom Kingdom in trouble again?!
Well, in all honesty, I’m not entirely sure myself. It seems that I have been specifically wished upon by someone representing an entity known as... the “Silver Gunner”.
Wow, that’s so cool! I LOVE SiIvaGunner!! AND Grand Dad!!! We better get you down to them right away!
Phew! You know Mr. Notwoodman, when you mentioned that there would be a bunch of people showing up to this event, I expected it to be a lot of rowdy troublemakers, but if it’s just people like Geno...
Oh no, you misunderstand. Very, very, very few of the contestants are as polite and collected as Geno. He’s actually a huge outlier in that respect. The very next people I invited kind of invite constant civil war? They’re pretty funny, I think you’d get a kick out of them.
H-huh?
*Meanwhile, in the bustling square of Inkopolis, during the opening act of a big performance, a certain duo discuss their newly-obtained invitation...*
Pearlie! I’ve never seen you this pumped for an opportunity since Off the Hook left the ground!
Yeah! No kidding! It’s our chance to spread our colors and show ‘em what we’re made of!
I do have a few mixed feelings about this though... I have no idea what we’re even meant to do...
Pffft, like that ever stopped us in the past, us being together is proof that we’re unstoppable. Anything that gets put in front of us, we can overcome together!
Look, I love the energy and all, but, don’t you think we need a little bit more...
... More what?
I don’t know... ...backup?
Hey! Maybe we can get Eight involved again... or...
Hmm... I do have an idea. You know who’s been a big inspiration of mine recently? Glenna! It’s the reason we gave ABXY the opportunity to open for us!
You know what, you ain’t wrong ‘bout that! Their music SLAPS! I find myself listening to them more often recently.
Such a unique style... That makes me wonder, how would you feel if one of our latest hits had a bit of that genre blended together?
That would be awesome! (Just gonna ignore the sudden bad vibes that crossed my head...)
Sorry, poor taste. Anyway, once we finish this concert, wanna talk to Glenna about it?
You know I’d do that in a color pulse, ‘Rina!
*Luigi, having learned about the incoming group of idols, begins considering where to place tarps.*
Don’t wanna get any paint all over my hotel...
I wouldn’t worry about it, I’m pretty sure they just perform music while they let the others do all the Inking for them.
Oh, that must be one of the competitors! ...Wait, what the hell is “Stinky Cheese”?
*Meanwhile, in the Albuquerque Holiday Inn, where the towels are oh-so-fluffy, a man in a Hawaiian shirt begins checking his email.*
Alright, what’s my horoscope for today? I hope it’s good, I need some luck for my interview at Spatula City. If I have to work one more lousy shift at the Jungle Cruise ride, I swear...
Hmmm...that better not be my evil twin again. Or Uncle Frank. Or Cousin Louie. Or Bob or Joe or Walter. Or Bill or Jim, or Ed or Bernie or Steve.
The Flintstones guys?! ...Well, I always wanted to be a Flintstone myself...
Well, I’d dare to be stupid NOT to go!
*Back at the Gaylord, where the towels are significantly less fluffy...*
(Groan) I really don’t-a like the idea of filling my lobby with all of these... odd guests.
...Oh? Did you say something? Sorry, I got distracted by something on my YouTube feed.
*Meanwhile, in a laboratory surrounded by old monitors, circa 2005...*
Hm...it seems word has gotten out on my latest experiment.
henlo utube 2day i will show u how 2 get free robux (working 2018)
o kewl i just got a utube dm :oooo
ooo tounrament sounds fun
Tournament? Hang on, is this some new online game?
no its a big thign at teh gaylord (ha gayyyy)
I see...Well, I’m a little concerned about you being all on your own at such a large place with so many strangers...especially since we haven’t gotten rid of all of your bugs.
yeh i cant get rid of teh watermark in the top left no mater wut i do
...But I suppose a tournament would give you good experience in the field. What good would keeping you cooped up in this tiny lab do?
:DDDDDDDDD a winrar is me
Make me proud.
*Pinching back at the Gay(luigi)lord, where (gay)Luigi has just been caught up.*
You know, the name sounds-a familiar, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard of him.
Neither have I! But I think you might have heard of this next guy. He’s pretty famous worldwide.
*Meanwhile, at a Holiday Inn in Miami...*
Aight, this collab is supposed to come out tomorrow. It's with one of the world's biggest artists, and I can't mess up this opportunity of a lifetime... so let's get to writing my first verse.
Now let's see... Okay, here we'll put the word "business"... Here, "what is this?"... Then we gon' put here "Christmas"... Then here we gon' put uhhh... "business". Look, I'm not rhymin' the same word because the second "business" has a different intended meaning, so they different words.
Aight, now we just have to write the rest of the verse.
PITBULL!!!!!
Wha...?! Hey, what's up Pequeño Juan? Did you find me more words that rhyme with "Nintendo" and "bento"?
Uh... NO!!!! You got an invite from SIIVAGUNNER!!! You keep telling me stupid shit and I wonder why we're close friends, bro.
See, I knew you had it in you- wait WHAT??? Let me see that shit. A tournament??? SiIvaGunner?!?! Oh shit...
YEAH!!!!
Now I fuck with SiIvaGunner hard, but... we don't know who he really is. What if he turns out to be a nasty freak - not the good kind like me, dale! - and fucks up my reputation?
SiIvaGunner's a team of people, it's fine. Plus, I bet there's gonna be a ton of famous artists at that joint. You're gonna wanna fill that... Mr. Worldwide-shaped hole that obviously exists in an all-star tournament like this. And with new listeners, it’ll be good for your career.
...And if I win, I could be king!
For a day.
Then I’ll call that there famous lighthouse... the Pithouse!
Uh, whatever floats yo boat, homie. So you’ll join the tournament?
Hmm, well I’m kind of in the middle of something with this other artist, but... I guess I can’t sleep on career advice from Mr. Window-to-the-Wall, hahaha!
And I know that the SiIvaGunner channel won’t be as lit as it can be without Mr... uhhhh, you! Hahahahaha!
Yeah, sorry man, it ain’t gonna work out. A new door opened for me; I’m not gonna be able to deliver the final product on time. I’m focused on something else.
Uh- Please don’t take it personally, Drake. I’m an entrepreneur, I’m not here to make friends; I’m here to make myself. Also, you’re not allowed to call me by my first name.
You think you’re all that, huh, you little bitch? The new guy I got is WAY better and more mature than you! When I throw an epic party in my new Pithouse, you’re not invited. Fuck off.
Mama mia...a celebrity of that fame, here? Think of all the fans who might crowd the place-a!
Yeah I know, pretty cool right? Will certainly bring more attention to the tournament.
Ohhhh...my boss is going to kill me.
Oh! That reminds me, speaking of people in charge.
*Meanwhile, in the Nintendo of America headquarters in Redmond, Washington...*
Alright, Bill. E3 looks like a success! We’ve got a new Mario Party, Fire Emblem, and of course, Deus Ex Machina!
...I feel like we announced something else...
Hm...oh, right! Fortnite! Better get my body ready for the battle bus.
Hey Bill, do you ever just wanna...get out? Y’know?
You okay, Reggie? You look like you wanna enter another Nintendo World Tournament 2015.
...Hm...
Huh, I got something from Spotpass.
What’s it say, Reggie?
...Bill, I’ll be on a business trip until August. I’ll need you to see if Tanner can take over for me.
Oh, and do you know where I put those GameCube Brass Knuckles?
WHAT?! T-t-t-the boss is gonna be here?!
Yep! We were actually a bit worried about inviting him, given the...uh...legality of the situation. But your hotel should be ninja-proof, right?
W-wait, who’s laughi-
*Cut to exterior establishing shot of the Bel-Air Mansion. An upbeat jingle can be heard as we cut in...* *Will Smith turns on the TV*
Oh check it out, CCC is comin’ on!
What the heck is this?
It's SiIvaGunner, Uncle Phil.
WHAT!? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR HORNY LITTLE ADOLESCENT MIND!?
WHO CARES WHAT YOU THINK! YOU ARE NOT MY moTHER!
Carlton. Carlton. It’s Carlton.
Carlton, are you by any chance Carlton?
nOo. Perhaps you should let you NoOoOo that as Carlton, I’m in a position to let you know, you are invited to King for a Day.
What? What? What? What? What?
WHAT?!
Yeah it’s some kind of tournanananament
Nah nahnanahnah to me, King for a Day is like a cross between Dedede, and Pitbull, and Geno, and Snake, and-
Shut up, Will.
WELLL! If you’re so confident in my lack of ability, make a little wager, say, thirty dollars?
nOo. For four years I treated you like my own son. Whatever you needed whether it was pants or chicken, I’ll be there for you.
Wow, thanks Uncle Phil!
Shut up, Will.
*Cut to exterior establishing shot of the Gaylord, with the words ‘THREE YEARS LATER’ superimposed in front. It is not three years later.*
W-w-what was that? My head...
Hm? What’s up? I don’t know what you’re talking about. Maybe you’ve had too many drinks.
I don’t-a drink, especially can’t if my boss is coming...
Oh, well that’s too bad, our next invite is someone who’s quite the alcoholic.
*Somewhere in Japan, a famous game developer is getting ready to get back to work on his next doujin project after a long night of drinking...*
Well, that was fun, but I think it’s time I get back to it. The announcement of Violet Detector was well received, I need to make sure it lives up to its expectations. Perhaps a good composition could suffice for now.
Hm...what’s this? An invitation? Did my wife leave this for me? Or would have it been the fumo...? *laughs*
I’m unsure if it would be wise to attend, maybe it’s best if I stay here and finish my game...wait, a hotel bar, you say? Hm. Maybe I can work on Violet Detector at the same time as the tournament, this isn’t the first I’ve multitasked. Ok then, it is decided, I will pack my supplies and book my flight. Hopefully my trumpet can fit on the plane...
*At the Gaylord Bar, as the sun is setting, Luigi starts mixing up a drink for John*
There you are, Milk on the Rocks.
...You sure this’ll get me drunk?
...Drunk?
Ah well, no use wasting a good drink.
Ahh...you know what they call it when the moon hits your eye...
You mean the thing with the eel?
...Yeah.
Man...all those stars dancing in the sky...you know what they make me think of?
*On a spaceship, boarded by three different aliens*
No, no, NO! You two gotta do it like this!
yeah
[YOUR DANCE MOVES ARE MUCH TOO LOOSE.]
And YOU’RE much too slow! Dance has got to be EXTRAVAGANT! FREEING!
[I DO NOT SEE HOW EXTENDING AND RETRACTING MY PELVIS WOULD BE CONSIDERED FREEING.]
You just gotta fucking LET IT LOOSE! Stop being a-
[INCOMING MESSAGE? FROM WHOM?]
A tournament?! US?!
[INTERESTING. A CHANCE FOR US TO PROVE OUR COLLECTIVE POWER.]
Fuck yes! We’re gonna show the galaxy who the BEST dancers are! Of course, this Earth is a long-ass way from here...
...which means we’ve got more time to get our FUCKING ACT TOGETHER!
ayy lmao
*Lightyears away from the ship, back at the Gaylord*
A-Aliens? Hm...well they sound more fun than the Shroobs! That’s for sure!
Well don’t sound too disappointed, if Thanos accepts the invite, that should be at least *one* purple alien.
Yeah, that’s true, I gue-w-WHAT?!? THANOS?!?!?!
Yup.
Oh my GOD! Are you CRAZY?!? Do you KNOW what he just did last Spring?!?
Yeah, I wonder what he’s been up to after that whole ordeal...
*Somewhere underground, in a liminal tiled hallway*
I will give you one last chance, my children. Watch carefully...
Now, show me your skills, esteemed squad mates.
No, no, NO! Your dancing is far too minimalistic and simple-minded.
We’ve tried, but we don’t have enough Vbucks to purchase your dance!
This dance is not a mere concession, it is a skilled form of movement that requires intensive training and focus. If you are unable to adapt to the rising tides of progress, perhaps the waves may see fit...
...to wash you away.
People keep asking me if I’ve returned, and I haven’t responded yet...
Reaper, you’re late. What has kept you?
...But yes, I believe I have returned.
Hm...This does put a smile on my face...
*Luigi has passed out on the floor*
Hey! Wake up!
Aaah! I’m awake! I’m awake. I just...*shudders* I really don’t want that purple maniac in my hotel...
What, the lanky guy? I know you two apparently have some beef, but I don’t think he’s all that bad. I mean, his tacos are great!
...Wait, who are we talking about?
*Outside of Marina Stadium, where an intense tennis match has just let out, a nearby tacostand is serving the exiting crowd*
Here’s your taco, thanks for coming!
WAHAHAHA! Well, look at Mr. Big Shot and his food joint over here!
Waaaah, what do you want?! Shouldn’t you be over at Treasure City or whatever with your game dev friends?!
Eh, got bored. But look at THIS!
TA-DAAAH! I’ve got invited to a big tournament! That’s right, Wario’s in TWO big fighting events! Two more than YOU’VE been in! Wahahaha-
Hey, thanks for reminding me! Look what I’VE been invited to!
WUH?!? T-that’s the same invitation I got!
Guess they wanted BOTH the Wario Bros. this time.
Huh?! That can’t be right...
Ugh, I can’t believe I gotta deal with you riding my coattails again!
Well, you can complain all you want, but at least wait until AFTER my shift to talk to me about it! I’ve got a busy line!
Ah, have a rotten day! All of you!
Ugh, not those two again. EVERY spin-off...
Yes, well I wanted to give a couple entrepreneurs like myself a chance to expand! And also to make sure they don’t get TOO big as to threaten me, of course.
I don’t think you’ll have to worry too much about that Mr. Notwoodman. Those two are rather... unprofessional.
You can never be too sure. I mean, what if one of them becomes the next N.M.E.?
*At the gates of Castle Dedede, the castle’s second-in-command is ready to greet his king after a royal conquest*
Welcome back, sire! Did you show those creepy cultists who’s boss?
(Clearly exhausted) Void...Soul...Never again...
...That bad, huh?
I think...I think I saw that jester we fired too...
Maybe you should take a rest-
Are you kiddin?! I need to get back into tip-top shape! Like I was when possessed by that heart thingy!
I don’t know, sire, you looked kinda freaky with those giant arms...
But if I had that kind of raw power AND my noggin intact, I could finally clobba Kirby!
(Whispering) If you ask me, it’d be better if you didn’t skip leg day...
Wuzzat?!
Ahh! N-N-Nothing, sire!
In any case, I might have something that could help with your training.
If it’s anythin’ like that fitness trainer N.M.E. sold me, I’ll pass!
You’ve been invited to a fighting competition called “King for a Day”.
Why would I want to be king for one lousy day when I’m already King for Life! Heh heh heh heh heh!
Well, it says here that the winner gets a crown. Maybe you could use it to pay off your debt, sire...
Genius thinkin’ Escargoon! Guess it’s time to show these fools who the real king is!
Hmmm...that penguin again... Sounds like he could be trouble, unless we all turn into trophies again...
Hey, John? I think you left one of your packages in here!
Snake! Sorry to bother you, but I’ve got big news!
What? Not another absurd objective, I hope.
Are you familiar with King for a Day?
Ah, that SilvaGunner thing.
Yes. Actually we’ve received an invitation for you to join.
Are you up for it?
......
Where are you right now anyway?
I’m on reconnaissance duty.
Reconnaissance?! Of what kind?!
Knowing your host is the quickest path to victory.
*Snake reveals himself from under a box in the Gaylord*
It’s showtime!
EYEAH!!
Not quite, orientation isn’t until tomorrow. Why don’t you turn in for the night?
...Hrnngh...
H-hey, I think you dropped your little, uh, radio?
Hm, I wonder how this thing even works. Maybe this little dial here-
*In a speaker-filled broadcast station in Tokyo-to...*
-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Hot damn! These tracks are bringin’ so much heat that they might just burn MY house down! For real, I’m sweatin’ up a storm in here!
But if you’re feelin’ you need a sec’ to chill out, then I got some BAD NEWS, SUCKA! This pirate radio station is gonna have your speakers spittin’ fire non-stop all summer long, baby! You better not touch that dial, or it’ll melt your fingers off!
Now enough of the frying pan, let’s get back into the fire!
Sure thing! Mic ain’t hot right now, so don’t sweat it!
Bob! What’s up, how’s it hangin’ my brother?
Ah, same old, same old. You know how it is out on these streets, but I’ve been gettin’ by. Anyhow, just here cause another letter got sent in for you.
Another one, huh? I guess it’s been a while since the last mailbag, they’re always a good time! Just hope it ain’t Mr. Osaki again... Huh. Looks like I’m invited to some kinda music contest thing out in the states? Sounds like a big deal...
You thinkin’ you’ll go? Could be a good opportunity to spread the good word of the radio. Keep the scene fresh with new blood, ya dig?
I feel you, but I’m just thinkin’... if I ain’t here to keep the radio runnin’, what happens to all those poor little Rudies who need it to liven up these mean ol’ streets? I can’t just hang ‘em all out to dry like that Bob, you know that!
Course I do, man, I getcha. Hmm... how ‘bout if I manned the station while you’re out? Then you could rest easy and focus on the tournament!
Ah hell, you know I can’t be askin’ you to do that for me! I already got you puttin’ your neck on the line with gettin’ these letters for me, I don’t want you to have any more heat on you! Plus, with what the doctors have been sayin’ about the arrhythmia–
Oh, hush! I still got some years left in me! I ain’t fixin’ to waste ‘em sittin’ around when I could be helpin’ a brother out! Same goes for you, K! You oughta be usin’ the time ya got where it really counts. So quit whinin’ and get to winnin’!
...Heh. You got it, Bob. Just gotta do one last thing.
*Back in the Gaylord, John listens intently to the announcement of DJ Professor K’s participation in the tournament over the radio, and breathes a sigh of relief. Luigi is still holding his head in pain.*
Oh cool! I was wondering if my invite got lost in transit to Tokyo-to, but it looks like I won’t need to search for another substitute! What a relief!
Ohhhhhhoowwow... am I going to have to hear-a screaming like that the entire tournament?
Hmm... I think you will actually! Hold on, I got something to show you.
*In his usual setup, Etika is watching a certain YouTuber...*
(Time for a special announcement!)
Okay, I’m ready.
KFAD! KFAD! OH MY GOD! KFAD! KFAD! KFAAAD! KFAD?!
KFAAAD!!!! HOOOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HAHAHA! I’M IN KFAD!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!
I’m still in development???
(It takes a lot of work to even complete one contestant. This completion date is scheduled for July 27th, 2018, so stay tuned!)
MY DICK! MY DICK!
OH GOD KFAD! OH MY GOD IT’S HAPPENING! IT’S HAPPENING!
*The reaction video playing on John’s NotWoodphone ends, and autoplay begins “The Haunted Mansion - Nostalgia Critic” before John quickly pauses it to continue the conversation*
My poor ears... I don’t-a know how much more of this I can take... H-how many more contestants did you say there were...?
That’s actually about all of them! Well, except for the first guy I invited...
*Elsewhere, inside one of Team Rocket’s hidden bases...*
It just doesn’t make any sense! Why should HE be the one invited to something so high-profile?
Right? What, is he too good for us now or something?
Hey guys, any mail for me today?
...but he never responded, so I’m gonna have to find someone to fill his slot.
Do you, uh, have anyone in mind? Or do-
Oh, uh- okay...
HEY, YOU!
...ME?
YEAH, YOU! YOU WANNA BE IN MY TOURNAMENT?
YEAH, SURE.
NICE.
Well, that solves that! Meet the first official contestant for the SiIvaGunner: King for a Tournament... uh, what’s your name?
I’m Ajit Pai. I’m the Chairman of the FCC.
AJIT PAI!!! CHAIRMAN OF THE FCC!!!
...
...
So, what do you think now?
...I think this is gonna be a long-a couple weeks.